So, it's STAGE 3 !!! Yikes!

I had only planned on stage 2, at the worst....stage 3 caught me by surprise. The size and grade of my tumor makes it a stage 2 diagnosis. But, then we get to the enlarged lymph nodes. If only 4 had been enlarged, I would be a stage 2...BUT...dern that extra enlarged lymph node...I have 5, so that makes it stage 3 cancer. It's considered class A out of the A,B and C classes because I'm just barely over the lymph node marker. Now, we are still waiting on my PET scan to be scheduled, but as long as it hasn't spread to anywhere else, and as long as no more than 9 lymph nodes are enlarged, I get to stay at stage 3...YAY!!! I am believing that those results will come back normal. So, I look at it as a "barely 3" diagnosis.... that's like pulling a low B in school....right? Yeah, we'll go with that.

So, here is my plan of treatment:
I meet with the oncologist Friday morning, I go Saturday for my MRI of the breast. Next week I have to have a PET scan done and I will get my port installed.

.....funny story about this port.... he showed me what it looked like. He pulled out something that resembled a flat piece of metal with a circle attached to the top. Well, in each corner of the flat piece was a hole. It seriously looked like it was about to be screwed to the wall, like something you buy at The Home Depot. So I said to him "please tell me those are not screw holes". Chris, Merci, Melissa and the Doc all started to laugh at me....I was totally serious...what else are those holes for? Apparently....stitches. Yeah, that makes WAY more sense considering that I would have needed Molly bolts inserted first if that thing was gonna get screwed in me! Dr Sutton said "in all my years of practice, I have never once been asked that question"...yeah...glad I could give you a laugh (but I was serious!)

Ok, back to the treatment... the following week after the port is inserted, I start chemo. Yep, the dreaded hair loss. (backup plan already taken care of though) I will start to lose my hair on day 17 after the first dose. So, day 16, I am getting shaved. I am serious! I HATE finding hair in my shower, tub, pillow, and floor. My hair is currently down to my shoulders almost, so that's a lot of hair to be finding. Plus, I don't want to walk around for a few days looking like the Barbie that the dog or older mean brother got a hold of with chunks of hair missing. So, chemo will be 12 weeks long and I will go once every 21 days. At that point, I get another MRI. If they see that the tumor is responding to Chemo, then I continue another 12 weeks. If not, then they go ahead and do the mastectomy 21 days after the last dose and resume chemo after recovery. If it's shrinking or dying off, then they will let me finish the second round of chemo (which would mean a total of 24 weeks) and then do the mastectomy 21 days after that last dose. So, I lose my right Booby in either 15 weeks or 27 weeks, depending on how chemo goes. Then, I get to walk around with 1 booby for the next 6 months, BUT my hair will start coming back in.

After I am fully recovered and the chemo is nearing the end, I start radiation. That is about a 6 week process of daily visits, boredom, and lots of reading time. Once I get the all clear and I am cancer free they will start my reconstruction process which should be about this time next year. At that time, I have opted to have all my tissue removed from the other boob as well and 2 nice juicy implants. Heck, I wanted new boobs anyways, just didn't want all this other junk, and guess what.....that cancer policy I told you we bought "just in case"...they pay for the reconstructive part too!! So, I get FREE juicy boobies! (someone needs to create a gummy boob (like a gummy bear) called juicy boobies....Amy C, you should work on that!)

Now, as for my option to have the other one removed...here is my theory...I don't want to go through all this crap all over again. The odds of it re-occurring or moving to the other breast in 5 years is 2-3 %, the odds of it in 10 years is 6-7% and the odds of it in 25 years is 20%. Now, normally 20% is pretty good odds, medically speaking, but considering that I will only be 58 at that time....I am not willing to take that chance. HHHmmmmm, lets see...only 5% of women in the age bracket of 20-35 even GET breast cancer.....here I am. Only 2% of infants are born with non-hereditary Craniosynostosis....we got that! So, I'm more willing to play the lottery at this moment with those odds than take a chance of being under 60yrs old and having it come back. So, just thought I'd clarify my decision on that one. The Dr does not recommend it because 20% is not that high of odds, but for ME....20% is super high considering our "luck factor" or whatever you want to call it. He supports my decision either way, but it was not his recommendation but understood completely about the odds and my age.

OK- so a few more medical jargon notes I should put in here... my tumor tested negative for being able to use hormone or estrogen blocking drugs. It is not affected by those, so we can't even go that route. That's why they are sending me straight to chemo. Now, there is one more test that we are waiting on results to come back on and it's called HER2 test. The HER2 gene sits on the cell surface and controls what goes on inside the cell. If it's negative then it's normal and the chemo path with Herceptin would not work. If it's Positive (which in this test you WANT to be tested positive) then herceptin can be used. Herceptin is a nicer chemo. I will still loose my hair because I have to have normal chemo for the first 12-24 weeks, but on herceptin, you don't lose any hair, so if we can continue on herceptin once my initial 24 weeks are done, my hair will start growing back. Yippee! If this HER2 test comes back negative, then my tumor is considered a triple negative tumor, which means it's MEAN and AGGRESIVE and doesn't want to budge! It also increases the likelihood that it will take much more to be "cured" (without prayer, but we have prayer, so I think we can do that too, regardless!).

So, I don't know my odds of survival, I don't know my odds of re-occurence, and I don't know if this was genetic or just because someone from down under thought I needed something else added to my plate. I won't know until the PET scan is done and those HER2 results come back.

So, PRAY FOR A POSITIVE RESULT ON THAT! I should have those results back Friday or Monday.

As for me and how I am feeling....since I've heard that so many times today.... I am totally fine! I am in good spirits, I am happy, I am positive, and I appear fearless! I have no choice. I have to win this battle, which means that I have to go in with NO FEAR! I've already gone through all that, and now I'm just ready to kick Cancers ASS and show it that it picked the WRONG person.

As for Chris....he is shopping for a new TV online to keep himself busy. He has re-arranged the living room, and cleaned the entire house because he doesn't like to talk about it and... he's a man. Deep down, I think he is more scared than I am. I cry, he gets quiet. That's how we roll. We do talk about it, but we try to not look into the future...we focus only on today, what we know today, and we don't talk "what-ifs". We have the rest of our lives together, and we are making the best of every day we wake up next to each other. ;-)

As for the kids- the boys are still oblivious and probably won't know anything is even going on until I come home from Ju-Ju's shop bald. Then, maybe they will ask a question, but until then....innocence and not knowing is bliss! Kaylee is doing fine. She is confused how I'm gonna only have 1 boob and no hair, and wants to know how they give me another boob later...who knows what she is thinking. Chris probably told her it is a water balloon....knowing his sense of humor but she is probably thinking that they take one from someone else (probably a dead person) and sew it on me... eeewwww.

As for all my friends- please keep in mind that I will wear baggy shirts, get a falsie for my bra for 6 months, and I will wear my wig if you want me to. I am not going to embarass anyone by walking around in public bald or with a tanktop and no bra....well....maybe if we go to Walmart....HAHAHA We don't have to talk about this Tabboo subject, or we can...it's completely up to you.

Finally- as for all the offers of people to watch the kids, play with the kids, cook us meals, drive me here and there....THANK YOU!!! I will get with those volunteers when I know my schedule and what days I will be having treatments, etc.

So, to wrap up...YES, the diagnosis is a tad bit worse than what I had prepared for, but I have not shed one tear over it. I am happy, in a good mood, and reassuring my sister that there is no need to cry....YES it sucks....YES it's not fair, but that was how the cards were dealt, and I have to play the hand that I was dealt whether I want to or not.... YES, I still have good odds of beating it with my army around me! YES, I will have a tougher road, but I will make it! I'm a fighter, and I don't back down!

so.....cheers, love and hugs, and Ta-Ta for now!