There were a few tears shed and a few tough questions. Like "what is your prognosis?" to which I answered "I don't know...they won't tell me" which then brought up "What do you think will happen?" and I answered "I know I'll be OK. God has already healed me, it just might take a yr for it to show up on the medical equipment. Between prayer and the chemo, my tumor is already shrinking, I just don't know how much until I get my next ultrasound". But, after talking with us for over an hour, we walked away with this:
"Y'all are awesome. Your marriage is very strong. I love that you can laugh about your situation. I love that you don't have fear. Fear and Faith are often equal in our lives and you both have chosen to let Faith be your option instead of Fear. You are doing a great job with the kids, answering their questions with just what they ask and nothing more, and answering honestly."
He was very shocked at my attitude and strength during this whole situation. Most people let fear consume them and focus so much on the negativity surrounding the word "cancer" and I showed nothing but the opposite. He loved that because I am not able to scrapbook right now, I am at least keeping a blog so that "just in case" my children will always have something FROM me about this journey, followed quickly by "but I think 20 to 30 yrs from now, you'll look back on these moments and laugh about them and reflect on them in a positive way". He agreed that laughter was the best medicine and he loves that we are able to laugh about it all. He liked my poker hand analogy a lot.....about how I have a hand of 4 aces and a King high....How can I not go all in and win?
He was amazed and humbled by Chris' strength and ability to just come home and pick up the pieces and fill in where I can't. He loves that he is focusing on me and the family and not turning his back out of anger or resentment. He actually told Chris that in the future, he feels like he could be a HUGE positive reinforcement in other men who need to "man up" in certain situations and he could teach them a thing or two.
He asked if we were mad at God. Of course, we answered honestly...."we are not mad at Him. He did not give me this sickness. He did know about it before I was even born though, because he knows every hair on our heads before we are even created. He knew I was going to have this fight, and He knew exactly when it needed to happen. I needed that big red stop sign on June 29, 2010! I needed the summer to get all the testing done. He already knew when it was going to happen, and he was able to control the events all leading up to it and the pieces all fell together in perfect timing....in HIS timing." (he was speechless) He said I am going to be a HUGE testimony and a HUGE influence in the future.
We are still not sure why us....why me....why now... and we may not ever know. We haven't really asked those questions since the first day of my biopsy. But, we are using this time to allow God to teach us what it is that we need to be taught, and allowing God to use us in whatever way he needs us in order to be completely drawn to Him and totally in love with Him. Whatever mission is ahead of us, we are ready to accept the task and succeed.
When asked about my fears....Death is the only fear I have. It used to be Death and Cancer, but now only death scares me. "Scared of dying or scared of leaving your children?" Both, but mostly of leaving my children too early and not having enough time with them. That's why we are taking our situation one treatment at a time and not looking into the future. Only God knows the future, and until that time comes, there is nothing we can do to change the outcome. He already knows the outcome, and I believe in my heart and I have Faith in Him that I will walk away cancer free and with no relapses!
We already know that we have drawn ourselves nearer to Him during this and we have put more Faith in Him than we EVER have. With everything we went through with Grayson, we thought we had learned our lesson.... to not take anything for granted and to enjoy every moment with every special person in our lives. But apparently, there is a new lesson to be learned. We don't know exactly what it is yet, and we don't know when or if we will ever know the exact reason for all this, but what we do know is that TOGETHER, WITH THE HELP OF GOD, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
All in all...we are doing GREAT! It was nice to hear from someone who didn't know us before we walked in the door. He really didn't need to offer us any "advice" per-say, just told us to keep up the good work. He was really impressed with our attitude, strength, our marriage, and our Faith.
I also learned something about Chris today that I never knew in our 10 yrs of marriage. I won't go into details publicly, but WOW....he almost shed a tear. (For those who know him, that is a HUGE feat for him to overcome....he has never cried in front of me)
So, there is our confidential counseling session cliff notes version. Haha. I really am a good secret keeper, but I think there were a few things that I haven't touched on before in my blog, so I figured...what the heck...why not. It's all public, and I'm glad that I get to share my journey publicly and help someone else who needs to hear that laughter is the best medicine, and if you have Faith in God, you have everything, because with Him, nothing is Impossible...
I'll leave you with the 2 scripture verses and 1 positive breast cancer note on my 3 new bracelets (Thanks Megin, Lisa, and Amy)
2 Corinthians 12:10 ~ I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Phillipians 4:13 ~ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Healing Ribbons, Have Faith, Nothing is Impossible, Expect Miracles. (I love the "Expect Miracles"...don't just pray and ask for miracles...EXPECT them)
I wear these 3 bracelets on one arm every day, and on the other arm are my 2 pink bracelets ("Cancer Sucks" and a pink ribbon bracelet) and my Pink ribbon watch.
I love them all, and they are all so encouraging on my journey that I can't just pick one...so I'm all jewelried out....(is that even a word? Oh well...it is now)
Ta-Ta for now.....Enjoy! and as Bon Jovi would say.... "Keep the Faith!" Hahahaha