My fatigue set in again, which means I have to get in naps when I can. Most days it's all I can do to stay awake till 4pm when my kids get home. I crash on the couch until Chris walks in from work, and then he takes over so I can go lay down in my bed instead of on the couch. I get absolutely nothing accomplished. My mornings consist of me getting the kids ready for school, (they are mostly self-sufficient, but need some motivational yells sometimes) taking them to school, back home to shower, drop off Grayson at whoever's house he is going to for the day, drive to radiation an hour away, get radiation, drive back home an hour or so to pick up Grayson, and then it's time to go get the elementary kids. I basically live in my car during the day. I have the gas bill to prove it! Thank goodness we are getting a tax return this year because our gas bill for the past 30 days is almost at $1,000. I am not kidding.....I'm totally serious. My suburban has exceeded the $100 fill up mark and Chris drives a truck that is already paid for, so we can't trade it in on something smaller or we will have a car note...so we leave things the way they are.
Anyways, I have completed 20 out of my 30 radiation treatments. So far, I am not burning, it's not itchy, but I do have a brown tan stripe down the middle of my boobs and a dark line in my armpit. I'm told it's probably gonna be permanent. My radiation oncologist, Dr Ludwig, was a bit leery of telling me about the stripe I'm gonna have because she wasn't sure how I was gonna react, but I said... "I'll be cancer free.....the tan line can be blended in with makeup if I need to". I really don't care. If anything, if someone sees it and asks a question, it gives me an opportunity to educate people on breast cancer and the importance of screenings at younger ages. Really.... I'm so over body appearance. It's so over rated anyways.
My friend Diane had the most helpful words for me.....
"YOUR BODY IS JUST A CONTAINER FOR YOUR SOUL"
Isn't that such a true statement? I know that my soul is beautiful, so that's all that matters to me. The transparency of having no hair and only one boob really helps you be able to see people for their souls because I wear my heart on my sleeve where everyone can see it. I can see right through people and see if they have a genuine heart or not. I can see how beautiful they are (or not) from their insides. Cancer really does change you....it gives you a new perspective on LIFE and on "friends" and "family". I've made SO MANY friends along the way who have allowed me to see their beautiful souls and I'm so thankful that God has brought them into my life. My family has been AMAZING. My brothers and sister and my parents have really helped me out more than I can ever thank them for. They don't wait for me to call and ask, they just do what they think I need because they love me. That's the kind of family I wish everyone had. It's the little things that mean the most.
So, now that I'm almost done with radiation, I should have more time to write. The Dr's think that the fatigue should go away again within a week or so of completing radiation. I hope they are right, like they were before. I am sooo not OK with feeling tired all the time. It makes me feel lazy and lethargic, but I don't beat myself up about it because it's not something that can be prevented. I'm just ready to be back to my normal daily habits where I stay awake all day until bedtime. :-)
Here is a few pictures of me and my CRAZY-SEXY husband from a wedding we recently attended. (I wore my wig..that's not my hair..... and for those who know my hubs well....LOOK...HE IS SMILING IN A PICTURE!!!)
So, prayer requests to pray for me at this time...
1. We have REALLY been under attack lately from the enemy. I won't go into details here, but pray that the attacks stop. It isn't doing what it's intended to do, which is put a wedge in our relationship, if anything it brings us closer together, which means that the attacks will probably keep coming. But seriously, we've had enough. Multiple things in the past 2 weeks have happened. House stuff, kid stuff, and personal attacks.
2. Pray for my newest "pink lady" friend Stephanie. She is battling the same cancer as me right now, (with small children as well) and could use prayers of strength, hope, and that her chemo is working. She got some disheartening news at her last appointment, and was upset, but I know she can make it through and beat it!! Please keep her and her family in your prayers.
3. Fatigue to go away as soon as possible! I have missed 2 weeks of Bible study in a row because I've been too tired.
K, thanks again for reading and praying for me! I'm almost through the toughest parts!!! Love you all!!
